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Guest Blog: Dear Diary

Posted by melagee on July 26, 2009

Dear Diary:

Today I tried to spark a geo-political standoff for giggles.  First I thought of involving Iceland, but really, that guy’s been through enough lately.  I settled on Poland because he struck me as needing a little excitement after his 15 minutes of fame from the Coalition of the Willing had faded.  And remembering that it takes two to tango, Argentina seemed a natural partner; besides, she so much fun in ’82.

So I waited until Poland was standing near Argentina, then I leaned over and pulled her hair, hard.  She turned around, furious, glowering for the puller.  I, being an official UN arbitrator, immediately offered my services: “Argentina, while I think that Poland’s actions in these past moments have been reprehensible, don’t forget his important role in stabilizing NATO.”

Argentina, now acquired of target, spun the remaining degrees to square with the back of Poland’s head.  The front of it was so engaged with his towering, sweet sekacz that he had failed to notice what I had been cooking up.  The attacker spent seconds weighing the severity of her reprisal, then settled for accidentally destroying the external wall of the ballroom addition of the Polish Embassy in Argentina.  While the Argentine Republic fully acknowledges the sovereignty of that Polish soil, certain wrecking balls amongst its citizens were unaware of such sacred boundaries.

Poland, of course, was both confused and suddenly at sea with regards to where the Saturday bingo should be held for his emissaries to that southern land.  But oh, how good is that sekacz!  How did he long not to be distracted from it by the present strife!

At last, he turns to face her, eyes not leaving her still smoulderingness, and leans over to Brazil saying “what’s the deal with Argentina, dude?”

Brazil says nothing.  It sits resplendent in its vast rainforests, its mighty rivers, its respectable iron ore and soybean exports, and it says nothing.

Poland, ponders this, knowing that words indeed are nothing compared to the sheer expressive power of a decent space program and the seventh largest metropolitan area on the planet.  And these silent national possessions speak one thing loudly: “don’t upset the apple cart, don’t rock the boat, and for the love of god don’t disrupt the regional economy – our exports to the Euroregion are sizable!”

Poland nods, wisely, and offers no rebuke.  Argentina, seeing no ill intent in Poland, backs down.

Overall, a major bust.  I think next time I’ll dump a drink on someone’s head.

Heath Johns is the co-founder of the fabulous Urbantastic, and an all-around lovable curmudgeon.  He is possessed of a brilliant mind, an incredibly exciting energy for good ideas, and a very soft pelt of fur.  I enjoy him muchly, and now you can too.


One Response to “Guest Blog: Dear Diary”

  1. Almost there!! Just checking in, hope Blogathon is still going well!!! 😀

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