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It’s Too Soon to Wuss Out

Posted by melagee on January 21, 2010

I made myself a promise last week.  I promised myself that instead of devoting more of my time to doing volunteer work, I would do something for myself.  It’s a selfish promise, I know, but I am okay with that.  I think it’s good to be selfish sometimes.  I promised myself that I would set aside every Thursday evening to work on getting back into something I used to love more than anything: writing.

When I was a young girl I wrote all the time.  I still have the stories (my favourites are my Star Trek: TNG fan fiction, and the trilogy I wrote about a witch and the boy she loved) and they’re not very good, but I think they were good for my age.  And they were fun.

I felt good when I was writing – I felt like I was home.  It came so naturally to me.  There was never a time when I felt blocked or worried about how my words sounded. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way I started to worry about how “good” my writing was.  I worried that I sounded trite and silly, that my ideas were stolen from other, better writers.  As soon as I realized that others might judge me as harshly as I was judging myself, I lost all of the joy I used to get from writing.  It became more about being “good” than about just having fun.  That’s what I want to get back to.

I want to be able to sit down at my computer and just let the words come out, without even thinking about it.  I want to be able to make up a story that pleases and delights me and never have to worry about what anyone else thinks.  I don’t want to be critiqued or edited or made to improve, I just want to write.  I want to create something that is just for me and not worry about how I will be judged.

So here is my project for the year: I will write something at least once a week.  It may be a blog post, it may be a movie review, it may be a short story, hell it might even be a poem.  I don’t know what it will be, but it will be something.  I’m not promising to blog every thursday – I do have other blogs that may be better suited for certain topics – but I promnise myself that I will write something whole (with a beginning, middle, and end) at least once a week, and this will happen on Thursday evenings.  I will do this for one year and see what happens.

This post counts as this Thursday’s offering.  Yes, I am wussing out just a little.


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